November 23rd - Reader's Digest Submissions

These came from Reader's Digest when readers were asked to submit their family Thanksgiving stories.

Horn of Plenty
When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument "felt stuffy" and he couldn't blow air through it. It's not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked.

After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.

"Oh," said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, "My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece."
-- Contributed by Mark L. Madden

Holiday Heavyweights
The checkout clerk at the supermarket was unusually cheerful even though it was near closing time. "You must have picked up a ton of groceries today," a customer said to the checker. "How can you stay so pleasant?"

"We can all count our blessings," the clerk replied. "The hardest part of this job is the turkeys and the watermelons. I just thank God that Thanksgiving doesn't come in July."
-- Contributed by L. Proctor

The Turkey Wishbone
My grandfather always had the knack of saying the right thing. One Thanksgiving we explained to my younger brother the custom of breaking the turkey wishbone. Eager to have his wish come true, little Philip was bitterly disappointed when he saw that he held the small end of the bone, while his grandfather had the larger part.

"That's all right, my boy," said his smiling grandfather. "My wish was that you would get yours."
-- Contributed by Linda Ann Loschiavo

Guest Relations
Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college roommate to join our large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, we got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until we remembered we had a guest in our midst. There was an immediate, embarrassed silence.

"Please don't worry about me," she said. "I was brought up in a family too."
-- Contributed by Garrison H. McClure

Tollbooth Timer
I worked on a toll road, answering the phone, collecting money and issuing toll tickets. One Thanksgiving Day, a woman called to ask about road conditions on the turnpike. After I said everything was A-okay, she told me a friend was coming for dinner. Then came the stumper. "If my friend just left from exit twelve," she asked, "what time should I put the turkey in?"
-- Contributed by Sandra Shields

"Where's Aunt Florence?"
After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in the living room to exchange reminiscences, while the children went into the family room to play. Suddenly our hostess noticed that an elderly relative was missing. "Where's Aunt Florence?" she asked.

From across the room came a masculine drawl, "Oh, she's with the kids, bridging the generation gap."
-- Contributed by Florence M. Mortimer

November 22nd - Reasons to be Grateful

The Silver Lining to the Burning Question You Burnt the Bird?
A Dozen Reasons to Be Thankful!

• Salmonella won't be a concern

• No one will overeat.

• Everyone will think it's Cajun Blackened.

• Uninvited guests will think twice next year.

• Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newly found appreciation.

• Pets won't pester you for scraps.

• The smoke alarm was due for a test.

• Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.

• After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.

• The less turkey Uncle George eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.

• You'll get to the desserts quicker.

• You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

Need some jokes to beat your kids at? (I know I'm tired of hearing what's a ghost's favorite dessert? Booberry Pie! Ha. Ha. Except half the time he forgets and says Raspberry Pie!)

• Turkey Riddles

• 
  
  What did the mother turkey say to
  her disobedient children?

  If your father could see you now,
  he'd turn over in his gravy!
  

Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up?

'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!

What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?

Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!

What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration?

The Butter Ball

How does a Turkey drink her juice?

In a gobble-let

How many turkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one but it takes 5 hours

Did you hear about the X-rated turkey?

It's served with very little dressing.

What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda?

A turkey sand-witch

What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?

Plymouth Rock!

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The outside!

Why do turkeys eat so little?

Because they are always stuffed!

What did the turkey do in the Thanksgiving Day Parade?

He played his drumsticks!

Don't try this at home!!

The Turkey Popped Out of the Oven

The Turkey popped out of the oven
and rocketed in to the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there had never been turkey before..
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scraped with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I would never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

November 21st - Butterball Turkey Helpline

Key to the celebration of Thanksgiving is gathering with family and friends to partake of a sumptuous feast prepared in honor of the day. Central to that feast (or at least to our common mental image of it) is a roasted turkey laid on a platter before the hungry guests, the bird presented in all its mouthwatering crispy-skinned perfection.

Yet not every aspiring Thanksgiving-maker knows how to properly roast a turkey. The bird proves an utter mystery to some, resulting in many a holiday mishap of a culinary nature.

Luckily, those confounded by the fowl can access a great deal of help by calling a number of turkey preparation hotlines. While some offer only recorded tips on how to prepare and roast the bird, others provide live assistance from trained experts well experienced not only with poultry but with nervous and overwhelmed cooks. Over the years, these talk line mavens have fielded all manner of queries from those bewildered by the fickle bird.

One of the more unusual questions handled by Butterball's Turkey Talk-Line (which the company has operated since 1981) comes from those who have mistaken a well-traveled joke for an actual recipe: They call to ask if they can pop popcorn in the turkey's cavity during the roasting process. (The joke's punch line is: "You know the turkey is done when the popcorn pops and blows the rear off the bird.") And no, you can't.

The hotline has heard from a gal who couldn't find the turkey she buried in a snowbank, a guy who wanted to know how to carve his bird with a chain saw, and a mechanic who worried about using motor oil as a baste.

Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey's cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn't discover Ol' Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted.

Another confused cook called the Butterball line after cleaning her turkey because she wanted to know how to get the metal pieces out. "Apparently," said one of the Butterball economists, "she had scrubbed her bird with a steel scouring pad." A West Coast woman who had taken anti-bacterial precautions too far called Butterball to find out how to get the bleach she'd used off her bird.

Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman's Chihuahua had dived into the bird's cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine.

The Reynolds Wrap Turkey Tips Line (800-745-4000) took a query from a woman who wanted to know if she could cook her turkey by placing it in a Reynolds Oven Bag, putting it in the window in the back of her car, and letting the heat from the sun bake the turkey. (She was told that would be an uncontrolled heat source and was instructed to use an oven instead.)

The folks at Butterball have also dealt with cooks determined to roast turkeys on the back ledges of their cars. And they've had people call to ask if they could cook their holiday birds on radiators. Then there was the bride who had a small, apartment-size range and was worried the turkey would get larger as it cooked (similar to a loaf of bread rising) — she was fretting she wouldn't be able to get it out of the oven after it was done.

There are those whose problems are not how to get the turkey out of the oven, but when. Said Nancy Rodriguez, coordinator of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line in 1985, "One lady in Arkansas had her five-pound turkey in the oven 24 hours — did we think it was done? Another caller wanted to know the best method for reattaching the thighs and drumsticks when they fall off. His 12-pound turkey had been in the oven since 8 a.m. the day before."

The self-cleaning option offered on a number of ranges has caused its share of Thanksgiving troubles when confused cooks have inadvertently started its cycle while their birds were in the oven. Others have different range-related questions, such as: "Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven says only bake or broil; how do I set it?"

We'll leave it to others to provide the more mundane advice regarding thawing and cooking times, how to prepare the bird for roasting and how to prepare stuffing, and instead offer these useful tips, as gleaned from the experiences of turkey hot line counsellors:

· Do not leave your turkey on your back porch, either to slow thaw it or to keep it chilled until the big day. Those who have failed to heed this advice have discovered themselves birdless on Thanksgiving morning. Their loss was the local raccoons' gain — those masked marauders celebrated the day in fine style.

· If you choose to bring home your frozen bird within the car proper rather than in the trunk, do take care to seatbelt the fowlsicle lest a sudden stop transform the star of the upcoming dinner into a weighty frozen projectile. One woman who failed to belt down her bird was rewarded for her lack of foresight with a broken toe when a sharp tap of the brakes caused the iced fowl to slide off the seat and onto her foot.

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Here's hoping that none of us have any of these problems while cooking our Thanksgiving Turkeys. But seriously? Trying to cook the turkey in the back windshield? Makes you wonder huh? Anyone have a story to top these?

November 20th - Thanksgiving Humor

I thought there might be a few of us who are making our Thanksgiving Turkeys ourselves this year (either your first or your twentieth it doesn't matter) But here's some humorous little stories to help ease the stress of putting together that Thanksgiving Dinner. Remember it can't be that bad and there is always take out if it really is!!

Thanksgiving Dinner?

We gathered together to eat some raw turkey
Cuz Mother forgot you should thaw it out first.
The gravy was lumpy and daddy was grumpy
We stifled our laughs til we thought we would burst.

The Jello was runny, the corn tasted funny,
The biscuits you couldn’t cut through with a knife.
The yam casserole overflowed the big bowl;
This was the worst dinner I’d seen in my life

Our mother had taken some pieces of bacon
And crumbled them up in the cold pumpkin soup.
The scalloped tomatoes were like scorched potatoes.
She’d made enough slaw for a whole boy scout troop.

Then mom started cryin, but there’s no denyin’
Our Thanksgiving dinner had lost its appeal.
Mom said, “That’s enough,”she got up in a huff,
Then cleared off the table and served us oatmeal.

No Thanksgiving Dinner

Tis the night before Thanksgiving and all through our house
No turkey is baking; I feel like a louse,
For I am all nestled, so snug in my bed;
I’m not gettin’ up and I’m not bakin’ bread.

No pies in my oven, no cranberry sauce
Cuz I give the orders, and I am the boss.
When out in the kitchen, there arose such a clatter
I almost got up to see what was the matter.

As I drew in my head and was tossing around
To the bed came my husband, he grimaced, he frowned.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He scared me to death and I thought, “Here he goes!”

He spoke not a word as he threw back my quilt
And the look that he gave was intended to wilt.
So up to the ceiling my pillows he threw
I knew I had had it, his face had turned blue.

“You prancer, you dodger, you’re lazy, you vixen
Out yonder in kitchen, Thanksgiving you’re fixin.”
But he heard me explain, with my face in a pout:
"I'm just plain too tired and we're eating out!"

November 14th - November 19th

**Since these are not long ideas I decided to lump them into one post. (and then we're almost caught up!

Disclaimer - these ideas came from a pro-Christian web article. I thought they were good ideas but I've adapted a few of them to fit a little more with our faith. Scripture references were their notes, I haven't had a chance to check them, so before you use those scriptures make sure to look them up, there was no reference to what version of the Bible they were from, and our editions might be different.**

Creative Ways to Develop an attitude of Gratitude

1. Family Thanksgiving Journal. Use a notebook or blank journal to record what your family is thankful for. Add to it all year round during family devotions, or create an annual tradition where each family member contributes one message a year. Read past entries as a reminder of God’s faithfulness.

2. Name Exchange. This is an idea for a dinner party or holiday gathering. Toss everyone’s name in a hat, then have each person draw one name. Allow some time for thought, then have everyone take a turn finishing this sentence, “I’m thankful for _[name drawn]__ because ________.”

3. Table Accents. Create easy, yet meaningful favors or place cards for guests at your holiday dinner.

• Use a paint pen to write “Thank you, God, for family and friends,” on pressed leaves. Place one on each plate.
  
• Bundle a few wrapped chocolates or unshelled nuts in little squares of netting. Tie them with fall-colored ribbon and add a Psalm 95:2 tag, “Let us come before him with thanksgiving…”

4. Thankful Notes. Writing requires us to slow down, reflect, and choose our words carefully.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to "encourage one another and build each other up…” Thoughtfully telling people what they mean to you will build up their spirit.

• If you have a husband, write a letter detailing why you’re thankful for him. Find a nice quiet time to read it aloud to him.
  
• If you have children, write a letter to each of them, separately. (Write even if they are young. They’ll treasure it some day.) If you have teens, perhaps leave the letters in their rooms to be “discovered” and read alone. Identify their strengths and encourage them with appreciative comments on those positive characteristics.
  
• Keep several little note cards in supply. Then once a month, ask God to show you someone to to show gratitude for — a neighbor, bus driver, scout leader or co-worker. A simple note saying you appreciate them would be very meaningful.

5. Church Staff Appreciation. (Altered to our religion) - Many churches now celebrate a Pastor appreciation day, but just because we don't have a paid clergy doesn't mean we can't show that they are appreciated. Think about the people that especially touch your family. Your children's primary teachers, young men / young women leaders, the gospel doctrine or relief society teachers. My favorite people in the whole world the nursery leaders. Most of these callings don't get any recognition (not that they ask for it) or appreciation but none of us could enjoy church (especially with kids) or attend to our callings without their help. A note of appreciation, a treat or picture drawn by your child about what they love about primary is a great way to show that you remember and appreciate the effort these members of our ward put in every week.

6. Thankful Box. (Altered a little) Purchase a small decorative box or wrap a shoebox with pretty paper. Put a notepad and pen inside and set it on your dresser. Everytime you’re angry with a person or situation in your life, write a note to God before you go to bed that night, expressing why you’re thankful for that person or difficulty. Use these slips during future quiet times to randomly select someone or something to pray for.
** Although a good idea, I thought it would also be useful to write ideas through your days and put in the box of what you/who your grateful for (Even the ones your not angry at), and then use those ideas/people for service, just a reminder of all the ways our lives are blessed. You could do this type of thing many ways. Decide what works best for your life. **

** Give one or all of these ideas a try. If not a life changing experience at least it will brighten your day and someone else's. Remember though you never know the difference that your little act will have on someone else. What is small to you, could be a giant token to someone else. **

November 13th - Gratitude Games for Children

This comes from About.com - Activities for Parents: Thanksgiving activities that teach gratitude & appreciation.

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Does your family have any favorite Thanksgiving Day games, activities, or traditions? We always like to go around the table and share one thing we're thankful for. Here are some variations on that idea if you're looking for something new to try:

• Spell out the word T-H-A-N-K-F-U-L. Then go around the table and ask each person to say one thing they're thankful for. The first person's answer must begin with "T." The second person's answer must begin with "H," and so on.


• Another variation on this game is to go through the alphabet and use every letter to name something you're thankful for. The first person might say "I'm thankful for apple pie!" The second person might say "I'm thankful for my brother," and so on.


• Still another variation is to spell out the name of the person sitting next to you, and say one thing you are thankful for about that person for each letter of their name. For example, if you're sitting next to your daughter Nicki, you might say, "I'm thankful that she's nice, imaginative, courageous, kind, and illuminates the room with her smile!

November 12th - Gratitude & Good Health

** Being grateful helps keep you healthy. . . not very surprising right? The article explains a little experiment done to try and find a correlation between religion, gratitude & health. Although at times a little wordy (and dry), makes a good point. If you don't want to read the specifics of the experiment, read the last paragraph of results (in bold). This is the real point... **

The Gratitude Theory - Published by USA Today

Researchers find the virtues of gratitude include good health.

In recent years, many scientists have begun examining the links between religion and good health, both physical and mental. Now two psychologists are working to unlock the puzzle of how faith might promote happiness. Dr. Michael McCollough, of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, and Dr. Robert Emmons, of the University of California at Davis, say their initial scientific study indicates that gratitude plays a significant role in a person's sense of well-being.

From Cicero to Buddha, many philosophers and spiritual teachers have celebrated gratitude. The world's major religions, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Hindu, prize gratitude as a morally beneficial emotional state that encourages reciprocal kindness. Pastors, priests, parents and grandparents have long extolled the virtues of gratitude, but until recently, scholars have largely ignored it as a subject of scientific inquiry.

McCollough and Emmons were curious about why people involved in their faith seem to have more happiness and a greater sense of well-being than those who aren't and decided to study the connections. After making initial observations and compiling all the previous research on gratitude, they conducted the Research Project on Gratitude and Thanksgiving. The study required several hundred people in three different groups to keep daily diaries. The first group kept a diary of the events that occurred during the day, while the second group recorded their unpleasant experiences. The last group made a daily list of things for which they were grateful.

The results of the study indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. According to the findings, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. McCollough and Emmons also noted that gratitude encouraged a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another.

November 11th - Moving up Levels of Gratitude

** Just a consideration on how Steve Pavlina says to move from one level to the next. Take it however you'd like.

I must have spent at least 10 years practicing Level 1 Gratitude (mostly in vain) before I began shifting towards Level 2. It was a very gradual process as my feelings of gratitude became more unconditional. It started with me attempting to feel grateful for things I wouldn’t normally feel grateful for, like my breathing, the bushes on the street, music, my biggest failures, etc. This helped me see that no matter how negative, meaningless, or routine something seemed, it was still worthy of gratitude. Gratitude is a lens for uncovering beauty.

So if I can suggest a how-to process, I’d recommend practicing gratitude where you’d least expect it to work. Select an unlikely target X, and then hold the thought, “I am grateful for X.” Eventually you’ll shift towards a more unconditional feeling of gratitude, and you’ll be able to drop that “for X.”

In practical terms I’ve found that as my gratitude has become more unconditional, my life circumstances improve to keep pace. These changes are very noticeable, like increases in my income or seeing my relationship with my kids improve.

Level 1 Gratitude has its place, but if you want the universe to back up your feelings of gratitude with some actual results, eventually you need to progress to Level 2. When you’re living the life of your dreams, this is how you’re going to feel anyway, so why wait? Challenge yourself to create these feelings now, even in the most unlikely circumstances, and notice how you begin attracting the relationships, opportunities, and resources that resonate with those feelings.

November 10th - Level 2 Gratitude

Let’s proceed to Level 2 Gratitude. I think of this as “holistic gratitude” because it’s independent of situations and circumstances. This is a feeling of gratitude for life itself, for existence, for anything and everything you experience. But rather than being a temporary emotion that requires constant focus, Level 2 Gratitude is more of an underlying attitude. With practice it becomes part of your identity. ( I like that idea...)

Level 2 Gratitude encompasses everything in Level 1, but Level 2 goes beyond that to include being grateful for:

• your life
• the universe
• time and space
• your problems, challenges, and hardships
• your foibles and mistakes
• your consciousness
• your ego
• people who treat you unkindly or unfairly
• your thoughts and emotions
• your freedom of choice
• ideas and concepts

Level 2 Gratitude says, “How wonderful it is to exist!” Circumstances are irrelevant because this form of gratitude is a choice that needs no justification. It is a sense of utter fascination with the very notion of existence.

You become grateful for the adventure that is life, including all of its twists and turns. This form of gratitude is synonymous with unconditional love because there is no attachment to circumstances or outcomes. Consequently, there is no fear of loss or change.

Level 2 Gratitude is like having a constant echo in the back of your consciousness saying, “Wow!” Everything else is experienced on top of that Wow. Gratitude becomes the canvas upon which your life is painted.

When you feel grateful for existence itself, you move from doing grateful to being grateful.

When your feelings of gratitude are conditional upon temporary circumstances like your stuff, your job, and your relationships, your base identity doesn’t change. But when you root your gratitude in something permanent, it becomes a permanent part of you. Instead of saying, “I am grateful for…” you just say, “I am grateful.”